The Perverted Dead Men
by Sadistic Creator of Death
Summary: Old enemies. New enemies. Old friends. New friends. Grudges and plots. I present to you a changed summery for Perverted Dead Men. What happens when tensions between certain men become unbearable? What happens when Valkyrie Cain gets stolen? Who wins her over? Will old lovers get together? Will the dead stay dead? Read and Review! Rated M!
1. Skinny Jean Clad Arse

**Every one is doing this, so I decided to do my own. I will change title as soon as I can think of a better. Yeah. And below are some things you need to know.**

**-China is dead, killed by Darquesse.**

**-Ravel, Ghastly and Madam Mist are no longer the Elders. Mist is dead, also killed by Darquesse. **

**-Ravel is ****_not_**** a traiter, therefore Ghastly and Anton are alive.**

**-Darquesse was destroyed and no longer exists.**

**-The Councle Of Elders, are Corrival Deuce, as Grand Mage, Mr Bliss, as Elder 1 and Thurid Guild as Elder 2.**

**-Tanith Low is in gaol.**

**Yup thats pretty much it, No its not one more thing.**

**-Kenspeckle Grouse is alive.**

**I hated it when he dies, so in pretty much every story I do expect Grouse to come back to life.**

Valkyrie got dressed in skinny jeans and a loose top. She was pretty damn excited. The Dead Men were all catching up at the Club and she was invited.

Skulduggery was due to pick her up in twenty five minutes. He had also warned her, that Saracen and Dexter were going to be in the car also, this was going to be one interesting car ride.

She was half way into putting on her Vans when she heard the Bentley pull up the drive, and then someone knocked on the door. She picked up her other shoe and went to adress her visitor.

Skulduggery stood there, in all his skeleton glory. He looked sharp wearing a well tailored tuxedo. She raised her eyebrow at him and he cocked his head.

"Its not everyday I get to show off my inbeccable dress sense, to everyone. So I will take any chance that I get. Now get your skinny jean clad arse into the wonderful car that belongs to wonderful me. One more thing, I hope you are going to put your other shoe on. I hate looking this good and then you're looking like a one shoed freak."

And with that he walked away. She scowled at the back of his smug looking skull and followed him to the car.


	2. Damn Him, The Lucky Basterd!

As soon as Valkyrie slid into the Bentley, Saracen and Dexter started hitting on her.

"Hello Beautiful,"

"Hey Sexy,"

They both sounded hot, and she felt herself blush. They had both dropped their voices an octave and it sounded sexy!

_Though no one can sound as amazing as Skul' _she thought.

Dexter was wearing a proper tuxedo, and it made her feel even more under dressed. She was told that they were going to the pub. So why were a suit?

Saracen, on the othe hand, was looking smexy in suit pants and a crisp, white shirt. It was untucked, which only made him look more rugged.

He met her eye and the mirror and grinned at her.

"So how is Miss Cain going these days? Still saving the world?" He asked.

"Yes I am, Mr Rue. Are you still eating to much?" She teased.

Dexter sniggered and said a little too loudly. "Too much, I don't thnk anything with my fat little man is too much."

"Hey!"

"Not my fault you need to go on The Biggest Loser. HA! And you will be _the biggest loser!_"

"Cut it out you two. We don't want everybody getting too excited."

"Righto Val."

"Kay Cain."

"So, Valkyrie, you single?" Saracen questioned.

Skulduggery started growling quietly, but she ignored him.

"Actually, no I'm not," she replied.

Dexter's jaw dropped, Saracen's eyes widened and his nostrals flared, Skulduggery's head wipped around to look at her, with what he probably thought was a menacing glare.

"Who?!" They all said at the same time. And all she said was a name.

"Erskine Ravel."

Saracen cursed, Dexter muttered 'lucky basterd' and Skulduggery made a long line of threats. When they told him to shut up, he just kept on snarling and growling.


	3. My House?

**Thank you guys for reviewing. Sorry I haven't updated in ages, but my computer broke down and stopped working for a couple of days, and I hate writing on that stupid damn iPad.**

When they arrived at the club Valkyrie hopped out of the car and took a look around. She saw a handsome figure leaning against a black, sleek convertible.

Erskine Ravel turned his head to her and grinned. A devilishly, evil, and up-to-no-good grin.

She went weak at the knees.

She took in his casual appearance of a white shirt, black leather jacket, a black tie, skinny jeans and black shoes.

He stalked over to her, and she could see the power behind each movement. She realised in that moment, that he was a very dangerous, sly man, that always got what he wanted. And when he wanted it.

He stopped right in front of her and his arms slid around her waist, to pull them flush together. He gave her a kiss that stopped the world, and it wasn't until Skulduggery had ever so subtly cleared his throat that they stopped.

A warning.

A warning that could possibly mean stay away from Valkyrie or die. But Ravel just pulled back slightly. Only to move his lips to her ear.

"Skulduggery is getting a little jealous." He murmmered and she shivered. He pulled back, his gold eyes shining mischievously.

"Well now that every one has greeted each other, I think we should head inside." Was the only thing Skulduggery said before stalking into the club.

Ravel continued to grin and kept one arm around her waist as they followed him in. Saracen and Dexter also grinning like idiots.

Anton and Ghastly arrived a little over five minutes later, and Valkyrie squealed and hugged them both tightly.

She sat next to Ravel and Skulduggery. Dexter and Saracen on either side of Anton. And Ghastly at the end of the table.

Ravel's hand drew lazy circles on her thigh as he looked down at the menu.

The waitress orderd their drinks and walked off again. But not before taking a second glance at Ravel that he didn't even notice. His eyes were on Valkyrie's. She blushed under the intense gaze and started a converstaion, as his hand inched up her leg.

"So Shudder, how's the hotel?"

He looked at her for a minute. Like he was trying to tell her something. Looking at her for so long that Ravel lifted his arm and draped it across her shoulders, pulling her into him.

"I closed it, actually."

All heads snapped to look at him. He slowly backed away, startled.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"You...you closed your hotel?!" Saracen practically screeched.

"Um... Yeah?"

They all continued to stare at him. That was when Valkyrie got an idea.

"Why doesn't everyone move into my house?"

Then all heads turned to her and she started to think what they were thinking. She wanted to punch them all in the face.

"Not like that!" She cried, her face horrified, "Oh my god! I had a stupid mental image! Thanks for that guys! You sick people!"

Erskine chuckled, and kissed her temple.

"Sorry Val. But we're a bunch of guys. What did you expect us to think of?"

She turned to glare at him.

"Well, Mr Ravel, your thought was probably a lot worse than theirs. So shut up."

He kissed her forhead.

"Of course my thought is going to be a lot more vivid then theirs. I know what the real thing looks like."

Skulduggery started to growl again. He was growling a lot tonight.

"No need for that at the table Erskine." He said.

"Righto dad."

Valkyrie smiled. She like these people, and the way they bickered like ill tempered brothers. She picked up from where she left off.

"What I meant was, that we should all live like roomies."

"Will there be enough rooms?" Skulduggery asked.

"I'm sure there will be. 'Cause you'll most likely just be on a chair in the lounge room. And people can share if they want." She added, shooting Ravel a side along glance.

"Sure. Sound like a plan?" Ravel asked and everyone nodded.

XXX

After a filling meal they all walked back outside to the parking lot.

"So you guys can pack tonight or whatever and come around tomorrow. And Skul' I'm going in Ravel's car."

"Okay Valkyrie," he hugged her, "just be carefull."

"Skulduggery. Calm down okay? I'm not gonna get wasted and have sex with him in the car. Chill."

Everyone laughed at his expression and walked towards their cars.

Valkyrie slid into the leather seat of Ravel's car and almost fell asleep. It was al least an hour drive to Ravel's apartment and she loved long drives.

He put the roof back and drove away. One hand on the wheel, the other one resting in its throne aka her thigh.

The wind whipped through her hair as she rested her head against the head rest and looked up at the sky. The car stopped moving.

She looked at Ravel to find him already burning his gaze into her. He leaned over the middle of the car and picked her from her seat. He sat her on his lap, so she was straddling him.

He lowerd his head and kissed her neck. His arms tightening around her waist. He trailed wet, sloppy kisses all over her neck. Leaving hickies for everyone to see tomorrow. Was he trying to get killed. Because Skulduggery would definitely be up to that.

He smashed his lips onto hers and she gasped. He hadn't really been rough with her. But she liked this dominate part of Ravel. The way he eyed anyone who eyed her.

His hands slipped underneath her top, drawing those damn circles again

Her hands trailed up his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his cloths. She tugged off his jacket and threw it over the seat.

"Valkyrie..."

His hands were cold against her back. Traveling towards her bra. His thumb brushed against it and she groaned.

Her bra fell.

"Lets get to my place hmm?"

She leaned her head against his chest, panting heavily.

"Sure. If we can continue this?"

"Of course."

They shifted back into place and he started off towards his apartment, anticipation running through him.


	4. Warming Hands

**Okay I'm not sure if what's ahead could be M, but it's implicating some very heated love making. UGH! How cheesy does that sound?**

Ravel kicked open the door to his apartment and slammed Valkyrie against the nearest wall. Kissing her roughly. His tounge battling with hers. His cold hands tugging at the hem of her shirt.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled the tee off her. She blushed when she saw the way he looked at her chest.

He kissed her neck and she started with the buttons on his shirt. Her warm hands tracing the planes of his stomach. She could see the way his muscles rolled and coiled beneath the tan skin.

He was perfect. Absolutley perfect. And he bloody well knew it.

She didn't even know they were moving until she was pushed roughly into a bed, her hands pinned above her head as Ravel kissed lower and lower...

XXX

Valkyrie awoke feeling groggy. She awakend her senses, and they picked up on the naked man that was currently spooning her, tightly to his chest.

Ravel shifted his legs, letting her know he was awake. She layed on her back and he propped himself up on his arms.

"Hello." He grinned, and she blushed.

Before she could reply he was sucking on her neck, his hands gripping her hips.

"Ravel... Your hands are freezing."

He rubbed his hands across her stomach, quickly. Causing friction and his hands warmed. Before they went cold again.

He motioned for her to open her mouth and she obeyed. Confusion etched on to her face.

He put a finger in her mouth.

"Close it."

She did, and sucked on his finger.

She took it out, "This is ridiculous. Do you have a cold or something?"

"No..."

"Then what the hell is wrong with your hands, and how the hell are we going to warm them. Then she had an idea and she cursed herself for not thinking of it before he promptly shoved a finger in her mouth.

She clicked her fingers generating a spark, and it eventually grew into a flame that bobbed in her hand. Ravel quickly moved his hands closer to the flickering flame, feeling the heat seep into his skin and warming his bones.

Valkyrie put the flame out and he moved his hands over her stomach.

"Better?" He asked.

"Much."

He kissed her again. This time more gentle. His hands gripping her waist with a soft determinaton.

"Ravel..."

Dance, dance. We're falling apart to half time. Dance, dance. And these are the lives you love to lead.

Her phone started ringing. But Ravel continued to kiss her.

"Just ignore it."

"I can't. Its Skulduggery."

He groaned but got off her, and she grabbed his dressing gown and put it on while he got dressed.

She picked up her phone.

"Valkyrie where are you? Everyone is already at your house."

"Shit. Skul I'm sorry, I forgot all about it."

"Is Ravel there?"

"Yes, I'm in his apartment."

"What is he doing?"

"Getting dressed."

Skulduggery went silent on the other end of the phone, and she answered Ravel's from with one of her own.

"Are you pregnant Valkyrie?"

"NO! Don't absurd."

"So, you used protection."

"Skulduggery! I shouldn't have to tell you these things."

"Valkyrie, as your mentor, I think you'll find that I have a right to-"

She hung up. She could deal with that later, she got dressed into the cloths she wore last night.

"Ravel, get packing. Everyone has already arrived at my house."


	5. The Things I Want To Do To You

The girl smiled. She had accomplished her mission. Valkyrie Cain's family was most likely being totured right this instant.

The girl rose from her crouched position and smiled again as she saw her boyfriend stalking towards her.

"Hello, Ryan. How do you feel?"

Ryan didn't answer. He just grinned at her then dissapeared.

She heard a voice ring out through her head, calming her alert senses.

_I'm just fine, thankyou. Meet me at your house, I need to do something to you._

The girl's smile turned into a wicked grin as she also dissapeared from Valkyrie's house.


	6. I Have Taught You Well

Once they were in the car, Ravel frowned.

"Hey Val. When Skul called this morning, how'd you know it was him?"

She raised her eyebrow, but answered her question, "my ringtone. I have it different so I know that its him calling, and that if I don't pick up he'll probably hulk out and kill a whole bunch of people," she shrugged, "and all that would be because I thought someone else calling... And that would be a pretty stupid reason for the end of humanity."

Ravel stared at her, and sh shifted her eyes to look at him. She once again raised her eyebrow and he studied it. It seemed to move all by itself, and it was starting to creep him out.

"Okay, yeah, whatever, Valkyrie, please gain some control over that damn eyebrow."

Both eyebrows raised in question. "Why?"

"Because... Huh, I don't really know why. I was thinking I could think of a word but... Ya know what? Move you eyebrow all you damn want, it is incredibly sexy." He replied flashing a grin in her direction.

XXX

"Valkyrie...? Vaaaalkyrieee!? VALKYRIE!"

Valkyrie flinched and looked up at Skulduggery.

"Did you call me?"

"Yes I did. Why do you always ignore people like me, I'm a very important person. And you should respect your elders. Even though I'm not an actual Elder..."

Valkyrie got up and walked out of the lounge room and into her kitchen, where Saracen was pouring a glass of water.

"Hey, Rue, mind pouring me one?"

"Not at all, Cain," Saracen answered with a wink, and she blushed. And turned as Shudder came in.

"Uh, Val. Who is Skulduggery talking to?"

"What do you mean, Shudder?"

"Skulduggery, is sitting in the lounge room about how you shouldn't ignore him the way you do. I stood there calling him, but he didn't seem to be all there."

She chuckled and walked back to Skulduggery, she gave him a peck on the cheek and he stopped talking.

It was all quiet, and Ghastly and Dexter joined them.

"HELL YEAH! I JUST GOT KISSED BY VALKYRIE CAIN! SUCK SHIT RAVEL HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M BETTER THEN YOU... MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE ITS BETTER DAMN RIGht. I just understood what that song means..." he seemed to be upset, "that was my favorite song. I loved that song!"

"I think Skulduggery's life is officially ruined..."

"Yes, Val, I couldn't agree with you more..." Shudder looked at her for a long time and she shifted feet.

"Oooh Shudder, getting in there with Ravel's girlfriend." Saracen grinned just as Erskine walked in.

"Who's 'getting in there with my girlfriend'?"

Shudder looked alarmed, and Valkyrie looked pissed.

"No one, is 'getting in there with me'"

"Whatever, I believe you Val." Ravel said, sliding his arm around her waist, and dropped a sloppy kiss on her forehead.

"Good." She murmured, as he kissed her properly.

XXX

"Val, why are you even dating Erskine. He will drop you when he gets bored, you know that right?"

"Yes, Skul, I know."

"Then why are you still with him?"

"Because he's nice and I... I love him... And I know it is soo frowned upon, but I don't care."

"Just as long as you know. I am here for you Valkyrie."

"I know and I'm here for myself too, you know? If he does do some silly shit, I get to punch him a couple of times as well."

Skulduggery chuckled darkly, "I have taught you well, my dear, I have taught you well."


	7. Skulduggery's Little Outbursts

"Do you think this will work, Ryan? I'm a little nervous."

"Of course it'll work, I came up with it."

"You and your ego."

Ryan slammed her against the wall, "you will go in there Kate, and you will pretend to not know a thing, then will get Valkyrie alone then we take her."

Kate gulped, "Of course, Ryan."

His dark eyes searched her green ones, and he slammed his lips onto hers. Once he pulled away he teleported.

Kate sighed. He was so damn annoying.

_Yet, you still do as I say._

Kate got of the wall and walked around to the front of Valkyrie Cain's house. She knocked on the door and was met with a man that had dark hair and even darker eyes. His nose was cute and his lips were full.

"I know I have a pretty face but please stop staring at me, its a little creepy..."

His voice was so velvety but she couldn't recognize him. She had gone through profiles of all of the dead men, but she didn't see this face. The man called back into the house.

"Vaalkyrie, you have a strange person standing at your door, shall I let her in?"

A girl with long black hair, dark eyes, sharp cheek bones, and strong looking arms came around the door and into Kate's view. Valkyrie Cain smiled at her and Kate noticed that she had one simple dimple. She was beautiful. Perfect. Flawless. But Kate knew that she couldn't be fooled. Every single person on this house was a trained killer, no matter how stunning they may be.

"Uh, hey," Valkyrie glanced nervously at Skulduggery but he shrugged and walked away. She turned her attention back to the girl. "Can I help you with something? You seem a little lost."

Kate looked at her and smiled a little sheepishly, "are you Valkyrie Cain? Is this Gordon Edgely's house?"

"It is and I am. But, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, well my parents were killed and this was the closet place I could find for a safe haven. I heard you were, like, the good guy or something, and I thought this would be a reasonable place to come. So could I stay a couple of days? A week at most, just until I can get my shit back together."

Valkyrie's face softened, but she was still weary, "Your name?"

Kate laughed. "Oh of course how rude of me. My name is Seliz. Kate Seliz."

Valkyrie opened the door wide enough for Kate to come in, "Well then Miss Seliz, welcome to Mayhem. I'll have Skulduggery escort you to a spare bedroom and you make yourself feel right at home."

Valkyrie walked in the other direction leaving Kate to stand there like an idiot, when the man from before, came into view.

"Hello, I'm Skulduggery Pleasant, the Great and Powerful Skeleton Detective. The most feared person in the world," his voice lowered into a menacing growl,"so if you so much as lay a finger on any one in this house you will have my wrath to deal with."

He turned around and started walking, but she was to stunned to move. He turned around and glared at her through those dark eyes. "You coming or what?"

Kate snapped out of her trance and glowered. "Don't speak to me like that, you son't know what I am capable of doing, so leave me alone." She stomped past him but he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back.

"Don't you speak to me like that. I could destroy your life and I would do so with willingness. And besides I'm the one showing you the way to your room, don't you think I need a little respect." He sighed, "I swear young people these days are just terribly rude, and unkind to their elders."

A scared man rounded the corner. Ghastly Bespoke. "Skul leave the poor girl alone, from what Val just told us her parents were killed not too long ago. Show her to her room then come downstairs and meet us in the kitchen."

Skulduggery rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Bespoke and its Skulduggery not Skul." He led Kate up the stairs and to the left where there were three doors.

"Pick one."

She looked up at him confused. "What?"

"Pick a room, and make yourself comfortable." He snapped and trudged back down the stairs, deactivating the facade as he went.

"Wow," Kate muttered to herself, "He is a real prick."

XXX

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery as he stomped down the stairs.

"Why must you do that?" She asked

"Do what?"

"Act like a dick head and talk to Kate like you have no heart."

"Val, I don't have a heart."

They walked together into the the kitchen. Skulduggery stopped next to Ghastly, but Valkyrie walked over and leant against Ravel who was leaning against the counter top. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her neck.

"So," Shudder started, "thoughts on the new girl?"

"She's hot and I love her." Dexter stated.

"Even though I'm gonna bed her first." Saracen challenged and they shook hands, completing the bet.

Skulduggery stopped looking at Ravel's arms and tilted his head in their direction.

"Neither of you will be having sex with her. Before she knocked on the door I heard her talking to a male, who I believe goes by the name Ryan, and he said that she will enter this house and grab Valkyrie as soon as she can."

"Oh my god, Skulduggery." Valkyrie sighed. "I know you're only trying to protect me but not everything is a living threat."

Valkyrie felt Ravel's lips against the base of her throat and his arms tightened around her waist. She struggled to continue as pleasure coursed through her veins.

"I...uh...I think...w...we migh...omg... We might me able to...trust her..." She panted heavily and Skulduggery snapped. Already over this relationship.

"ERSKINE RAVEL, GET YOUR HANDS OFF VALKYRIE,_** RIGHT NOW!**_ BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T AT LEAST DO THIS IN YOUR PRIVATE TIME, SO GOD HELP ME I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! _**WE DO NOT NEED TO SEE YOU MAKING VALKYRIE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!"**_

He stormed out of the kitchen and Ghastly hurried out after him.

Shudder death glared Ravel before walking out the door, Dexter and Saracen gave him the _hurt-her-and-I-will-kill-you_ look before following Shudder.

Valkyrie swirled in Ravel's arms, to find his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"You find that funny?" She snapped.

"It was quite amused, yes." He replied curtly. "I never knew Skulduggery was the jealous type. Now I do."

"Whatever. Once you think about what you've done and you're ready to grow up you can talk to me again, but until then..." She kissed is cheek and left the kitchen looking for Skulduggery.


	8. Untouched Love

After looking for hours Valkyrie found Skulduggery in the attic, sitting on a dusty chair in a dusty corner, reading a dusty book.

"Go away, Valkyrie."

"Why?"

She looked around found an old couch by the wall. She scowled. Why did it have to be over the other side of the attic?

She walked over the end and started to push, but it wouldn't move. Not even an inch.

Nor did Skulduggery but he spoke, "Valkyrie, I am mildly disappointed in you."

She sat on the ground and crossed her arms all the while glowering at Skulduggery.

"Why?" She snapped and his head raised.

"Are you not a skilled Elemental and Necromancer?"

She sighed and waved her hand; the couch flew over to the other side of the room; right it front of Skulduggery. She sat in the middle of it, grabbed the book and set it on fire.

Skulduggery looked at her in disbelief.

"Why did you do that? It was a perfectly good book."

"It was old, and I want to talk to you."

"I don't."

"Yes, I gathered that."

He looked at her for the longest moment and she shifted under his gaze. A face flowed up his skull. Dark hair that fell over dark, guarded eyes. She thought she saw skin between his leather glove and wrist cuff of his suit, but quickly shook it off. That was impossible.

"Valkyrie, I don't want you to get hurt."

She looked at him. He looked troubled, his deep, black eyes searching hers progressively. She shifted her own eyes away again. She didn't want to get lost in those black, endless voids of danger.

China had upgraded his Facade so that whatever face appeared it reflected his current mood.

She felt the air shift and then Skulduggery was wrapping his arms around her and she cried and cried and cried.

She buried her face in Skulduggery's jacket while one of Skulduggery's hands followed her spine and the other buried itself in her long hair.

"Why do all my boyfriends have to be dicks?"

"I don't know, Valkyrie, I really don't know..." He whispered.

After about 20 minutes Skulduggery picked her up off the couch and sat her on his lap so she was straddling him. He pulled back, and let his lips lightly brush over hers "Valkyrie, I have something to show you."

Valkyrie was the one to pull back this time, "What?" Skulduggery took a deep breathe and pulled the glove on his right hand and flexed his skin covered arm. Valkyrie gasped, "Wha...?" She lifted up his top and met smooth soft skin that rippled every time Skulduggery moved. She felt him shiver when she lightly traced her fingertips over his muscles. There lips were inches apart and his eyes were searching hers deeply, when a crash sounded from down stairs; Valkyrie jumped back a mile, looked longingly at Skulduggery for a minute before running out of the attic.

**I know its short but I had to update before LIONSANDTROLLS, literally killed me. Brutally. And I've got half-yearly exams, so my excuse is that I have to study. Excuse. Who studies?**

**Not me.**


	9. Who? What? Where? When? What?

**SKULDUGGERY P.O.V.**

Skulduggery sighed and followed Valkyrie out of the attic.

So close.

It almost happened. He can't let that happen. Valkyrie would never love him like...like that.

No one would ever like him like that. He was a _skeleton_ for gods sake!

"Saracen Rue! What the hell is going on!?" Skulduggery heard her scream it, and even he, the great Skeleton Detective, shivered at the fury in the girl's voice.

Damn she was mad.

He walked around the corner into the kitchen, and saw a bowl on the ground, the contents splashed all over Kate's shirt, and Valkyrie; Valkyrie showing that she truly was an evil god.

Skulduggery leaned on the counter, head tilted and chuckled. He quickly stopped though when Valkyrie turned her fiery wrath on him. He straightened.

"You think this is funny, do you?"

Erskine came in, curious and when Skulduggery tilted his head in Ravel's direction the silly boy whimpered and hurried out. Before Valkyrie even had a chance to see who it was.

But then Valkyrie hadn't even noticed Ravel walk in the room, she was so infuriated with Saracen.

And now Skulduggery.

"Ah, yes. I do find it quite entertaining that Mr Rue, here, could have been swooning over Miss Seliz so much that he tripped on that tile," he tilted his head towards the uneven tile, "that you have been constantly reminding him about, and dropped that food all over her. And by judging by Mr Rue's now red face he was making that food for, Miss Seliz." Skulduggery finished with his head tilted at smug angle. "I do find that, amusing. Or funny."

Valkyrie, now fuming, turned to Saracen, "This true?"

Saracen looked down at the floor sheepishly, "I know that she likes Chicken Caesar, so I made her a salad..."

Kate inserted herself into the conversation, "how?"

Saracen's signature grin was back, "I know things." He winked at her and she started blushing.

Kate turned to Valkyrie, "Miss Cain I apologize for being a nuisance. I shall have myself cleaned up immediately." She turned to Saracen, "want to join me?" She asked suggestively.

"No." Valkyrie said immediately, cutting off Saracen's eager yes."No. He does not. Go. Have a shower."

Skulduggery chuckled again, deactivated his facade and walked into the lounge room. Dexter was watching Australia's Next Top Model, Erskine was asking what a kangaroo was and Ghastly and Anton were having a subtle yet heated conversation.

There was a knock on the door and Skulduggery slowly backed out of the room to go answer it.

He was a good looking boy, and he knew it; he was leaning against the post a crooked grin on his face and flicked his hair away from his blue eyes. He looked tanned too, like he spent a long time in the sun

"Hey, " he drawled in his thick Australian accent, "you seen a girl, long blonde hair, striking green eyes. Goes by the name Kate, seen ya?"

Skulduggery assessed the boy, "Who am I?"

"Don't know, don't care. Look I ain't here to play games with you buddy. Just came along for this girl."

"What is your name?"

"Name? Uh... Don't know yet, still thinking 'bout that one. I'm new to all this."

"Yeah?" Skulduggery asked.

"Yup, but I'm working for an old friend, can I have the girl?"

"Who do you work for?"

"Well, he's been around for a while, met him a few years ago. You might know him as Mevolent."


	10. Huh Well We're Fucked

When Kate left the room, Valkyrie scowled at Saracen and said, "clean up the mess." Saracen nodded quickly and walked out, he returned a minute later with the vacuum cleaner. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I...I'm cleaning the mess?"

"You don't use a fucking vacuum to clean that, go get the fucking mop, you idiot."

Valkyrie walked out and sighed, this was a bad idea. A very bad idea, with the way shits been going she was going to get grey hair before she even turned 45.

She walked past the front door, and heard, "but you might know him as Mevolent."

She turned back and saw Skulduggery shielding the door. She pushed him aside.

"Wh- Are yo- Tyler?"

"Ah, Valkyrie Cain."

"Wha... TYLER!" She squealed and ran into his arms, "Oh, Tyler, I've missed you so much...but what are you doing here."

Tyler laughed and she felt him tighten his arms around her waist, "I came to pick up Kate Seliz." He pulled away slightly, "heard a rumor that she was taking refuge here. True?"

"True." She said and before she could continue, Tyler grabbed at the shadows and they threw her across the front yard. She was more shocked than hurt and she looked at Skulduggery and he shrugged. She jutted her head forward and raised her eyebrows, and Skulduggery shot out his hands and a ball of black fire shot out and wrapped around Tyler.

It wouldn't hurt him just make him sweat and feel like he was burning. If also aloud him to talk so if he said the wrong thing, Skulduggery could intensify it and make him writhe in pain.

"Tyler, follow me." He said and Tyler took a hesitant step forward. Valkyrie got up and pushed him through the front door. Tyler followed Skulduggery into the lounge room and went to collect Saracen and warn Kate.

"Saracen. Lounge room. Now."

She jogged up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door. Kate opened it. "Bedroom. Now. Don't come out until either myself or one of The Dead Men come and let you."

Kate gave her a quizzical look but locked her bedroom door and Valkyrie went back downstairs.

She walked into the Lounge room and nearly walk back out.

"Why don't we put him in the fireplace or stove?" Rue was asking.

"No," Erskine replied, "we should just kill him."

"Or bake something." Vex suggested, and everyone stared at him, "what? He's on fire and I'm hungry."

"Its okay, Dex" Saracen said, patting him on the head. "I know what you meant."

Dexter saw this as his chance, "how? How did you know that?"

Saracen smiled, "I know things."

"How?"

"By knowing them."

Dexter scowled and Valkyrie sighed. "Guys, mad person wanting someone we're protecting?"

"Oh yeah," Dexter smiled, "Kinda forgot about him."

Valkyrie sighed again and walked over to sit next to Skulduggery. Her eyes met Ravel's and they locked. Ravel looked away first. She sat down and Shudder sat on her other side.

She looked at him but he was glaring at Tyler, "how do you know Valkyrie?"

Tyler didn't say anything so Valkyrie answered for him. "We were-"

"TYLER! WHERE ARE YOU?"

The Dead Men all turned around as Mevolent entered the house.


	11. The Grand Plan

**Longest Chapter Yet.**

**And Phoebe is based on me.**

Phoebe walked into her manor and Telesha looked up. As did every other villain residing in Phoebe's spacious court room.

"Ah, Miss Conway, " Telesha sighed, "glad you could make it. And on time."

Phoebe waved her off. "Meh, I was making myself look reasonable. Blood is surprisingly difficult to wash out of hair." And she did look reasonable, with a long black skirt, and top saying 'I'm not always a bitch... Just kidding, go fuck yourself.'

Phoebe slumped into a chair and Telesha went back to her grand speech. Phoebe looked around; already bored. She saw a pink box and bent over and grabbed it, she opened it and was greeted by different colours of nail polish. She pulled out a black and pocketed it.

"Phoebe, what are you doing?" Telesha asked, exasperated.

"Stealing your nail polish. Now hurry up. I have things to do unlike every other loser you have in my house."

"And what, pray tell, do you have to do?"

"Ah, you know. Kill people. Seduce some men then murder them. Steal someone's baby; the usual."

"Aright. Everyone go, relieve yourselves, eat, then come back. 20 MINUTES!" Telesha addressed everyone and the murmur of voices started as they hurried out of the room.

Phoebe started doing her nails black while she listened in on Telesha's conversation with James.

"She is just so frustrating." Telesha growled.

"Maybe if you ignore her, she might go away." James suggested.

"No, that won't work. If I ignore her she just gets worse, yet if I retaliate she explodes, we fight and she wins. We don't need her reputation of being dangerous getting anymore intimidating."

"Just be glad she's on our side."

"But she isn't, James. That's why, if she agrees, we need to keep an eye on her. She isn't on anyone's side but her own."

XXX

Once everyone was back inside and seated, Phoebe stood. She pointed to an unfortunate boy with red hair and a pointy noise. "You. Come."

"Where are you going, Miss Conway?" Telesha asked.

"No where that concerns you."

She walked out of the room and down a dark corridor. The corridor opened up and a kitchen came into view. Ranger leaned against the wall and Phoebe pulled out a can of coke. She turned and her black eyes flashed; a bright fiery red grew around the pupil and she said, "Sorry about this; you seen like a nice boy." She waved her hand and his head flew off his shoulders.

When she returned to 'The Meeting' without him Telesha sighed. "Where is Ikmari?"

"Ikmari? Who- Oh! Don't worry, I killed him quickly."

Everyone looked at her. "What?! My blood lust was going to kill me and besides he was a Weasley."

"A Weasly?" A dark haired man asked.

"You know?" Phoebe looked at him. "Red hair? Hand-me-down cloths? Must be a Weasley."

Telesha sighed, "he was the best mind controller we had."

"Oh really? Was that before or after me?" Phoebe waved her hand and a glorious chandelier appeared over the table, it's black light casting and eerie glow over her. "Look, Tesh, the only reason why I am here is because you want to know if you want me to play along with your little plan. Don't look so shocked. I am the best at everything. The most feared person since Vile and Darquesse. You could even combine their magic and I would flog them both. All you could have done was call me and ask if I would play along.

"Then you wouldn't have to so carelessly let all these imbeciles into my manor What if they broke something important, but then I don't care because you would be replacing it. And if you don't, you die. But anyway, if I didn't agree to your little plan then maybe you would have just been able to ca-"

She was cut off by Mevolent walking in, Tyler quickly following. Phoebe squealed and ran over to Mevolent. He picked her up and swung her around in the air. Once he set her down, she turned to Tyler.

"Did you get Kate Seliz?"

Tyler looked down and said, "I tried but the detectives were there."

Phoebe glared and looked back at Telesha, "I will go along with your plan on one condition. I kill Pleasant and Cain."


	12. Conversations

Valkyrie stared. "What the hell Ravel!?"

Before Ravel could reply the was a knock on the door. Valkyrie scowled and answered it. A tanned woman with long beautiful blonde hair and light sky blue eyes greeted her, "Hello, my name is Telesha Rescy. Nice to meet you, Valkyrie. I've heard so much about you."

Valkyrie stared in shock, Telesha Rescy. At her door step. Valkyrie kept her eyes alert. If Telesha was here Phoebe was keeping watch somewhere. Skulduggery rounded the corner.

"Who is it Cain."

Skulduggery stopped dead when he saw Telesha Rescy at their doorstep. "You've got some nerve showing up around here Telesha."

"I'm sorry for what happened 100 years ago, but are you one to hold a grudge?"

"You gave Serpine the idea of doing this to me, Telesha, I will hold a grudge for as long as I see fit."

"Well, I'm here to strike a deal."

"No." Skulduggery moved to close the door but a new figure appeared next to Telesha. "I wouldn't do that Pleasant." Said a sickly sweet voice. "We don't want any one leaving dead, today."

Skulduggery opened the door again and was face to face with Phoebe Conway. Skulduggery hesitated, then let her inside. Telesha went to follow but Skulduggery slammed the door on er face. Phoebe was looking around in interest and walked into where all the Dead Men were. "Hello boys." She grinned evilly showing off her teeth. Her dark eyes flashed when they locked onto Shudder's. "Anton Shudder," she whispered. "It's been a while."

"Yes." Shudder replied equally as softly, "and anything that I had felt for you has completely left me. I do not love you any more Phoebe Conway."

"Pity, I could've showed you something. A new trick of mine."

"Like the eyes and the teeth?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Ah, but you do. Then minute you walked in here you new exactly what was going to be said. And baring teeth at us isn't going to scare us, Miss Conway."

"Again, pity. Now Tesh and I would like to set out a deal."

"We now what happens when we strike deals with you people. The answer is no."

"Ah, but Erskine Ravel I highly doubt you're in everyone's good graces. Who is going to listen to you? As you all know Mevvvolent is out and doing... " Phoebe tried to hide her smirk, "God knows what."

Anton narrowed his eyes but said nothing on the matter.

"I know why you're really here."

"I know you do, Mr Rue, but you're not going to tell anyone."

"And why's that?"

She walked up to him and brought his head down to her lips. She whispered something in his ear, and he went rigid. He looked at Valkyrie and clenched his jaw.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery but her was glaring shadows into Phoebe's back.

"Get out." He growled as Phoebe stepped away from Saracen. "Get out of my house."

"It's not yours, Skulduggery."

"Fine." Valkyrie snapped. "Then get out of my house."

Phoebe smiled, her red lips stretching up so far she resembled Jeff The Killer. "Very well." And she disappeared.

**XXX**

**Later that night...**

Valkyrie pulled the cup out of the dishwasher and felt two arms slip around her waist and warm lips placed a delicate kiss below her ear. "Skulduggery..." She breathed, "I thought you didn't like it when I was sexually frustrated."

"Ah, yes. But you see it's okay when I do it."

Valkyrie pulled out of his grip and moved across the kitchen. She pulled out the knives and forks, and walked back to the drawers. "Oh, really?"

Skulduggery grabbed them out of her hand and pushed her against the counter. "Yes." He kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, dear." Then he moved away and down the hall.

Valkyrie finished the kitchen and walked down into her bedroom, and nearly jumped out of her skin.

"I thought I told you to leave."

Phoebe looked over the top of the book and set it down on the nightstand. She stretched out on Valkyrie's bed and replied with, "I don't take orders from a child."

Valkyrie seethed, "I'm not a child."

"Yes, dear, you are. You are not even mature compared to my age. You're just starting to crawl."

Phoebe stood and walked around Valkyrie's room. She tried on a lipstick wiped it off, and tried on a darker one. Her lips now a beautiful blood red she leaned against the dresser and pointed to the book she was reading. Valkyrie's diary.

"He doesn't love you, you know. Skulduggery." Her hair was pulled off her face in a messy bun and she looked no older than 21. Being this close Valkyrie could really appreciate how pretty Phoebe was. She moved with an unnatural grace and her face was a work of art.

Her eyes, when they weren't flashing, were a dark brown almost black. Her hair was a bright red, and when Phoebe pulled it out of its bun it fell around her shoulders like flames, standing out against her pale neck. She was tall and slender, but looked as if she had turned her body into a weapon. She was wearing denim shorts and tank top. Bare feet. And the way she held herself screamed bad mood. Valkyrie knew to tread carefully. Phoebe wouldn't think twice in killing her.

As Valkyrie collected this information she said, ''what do you mean?''

''I knew him. Before my sister gave Serpine the information on how to kill Skulduggery. He was much like China."

"No he wasn't."

"Yes, child, he was."

Valkyrie didn't want to go there. "I know what you are."

"Then what am I?" Phoebe's eyes flashed. They went black, but their was a ring of red around her pupil. Valkyrie stored that in the back of her mind.

"You're a vampire."

"Yes." Phoebe whispered, and grabbed Valkyrie by the back of the neck and disappeared.


	13. Kiss me, I'm Pissed Off

Phoebe sighed and raised the phone to her ear.

"Valkyrie? Valkyrie, where are you?"

"Skulduggery, dear, Valkyrie is otherwise occupied and would like- Nah, scratch that," Phoebe quit the English accent and her voice fell back into it's Australian drawl, "What you want?"

"I would like Valkyrie, if you wouldn't mind."

"Well, I do mind. And," Phoebe turned around and faced Valkyrie, "she seems a little busy, being unconscious and all."

"What ever you do to her, I do to you. 10 times as bad."

"Oh, I know, Skul. But if you meet me at Maccas tomorrow, Ten o'clock, you might get her back."

Phoebe hung and the phone started ringing almost immediately. She scowled and threw it at the wall. It smashed and Phoebe grinned but it fell instantly when Valkyrie stirred.

"Wh- Where...am I?"

"Dunno."

"Wh- Why...am I here?"

"Dunno."

Valkyrie opened her eyes and she glared poisoned daggers at Phoebe. "Is that all you're going to say?"

"Dunno."

"You infuriate me."

"Good."

"Ah, she actually has a vocabulary."

"Don't gloat, Valkyrie. I have fists and you're tied to a chair. And hopeless."

"Why would I be gloating?"

Phoebe walked towards the door and she turned her head before she left and said, "Dunno."

Valkyrie looked around and saw her phone smashed to buggery in the far side of the cell. She sighed. Her phone. Her bloody Iphone 6S.

Whatever.

Valkyrie could feel herself loosing her strength again but before she left a tall figure entered the room.

XXX

**"FUCK!"**

"Skulduggery calm down."

_"CALM DOWN?!_ YOU WANT ME TO _**CALM DOWN?!"**_

"Yes."

"WELL THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, ANTON!"

"Ah, Skulduggery?"

Skulduggery whirled, _**"WHAT!?"**_

"Anton isn't here..."

XXX

Phoebe walked around the corner and crashed into someone. She looked up and went to snap at them but she calmed down when she saw his face.

"I was just coming to get you." Mevolent said, his voice soft. Phoebe pushed passed him.

"Whatev' I don't give a flying shit."

Mevolent sighed, gripped her wrist and slammed her against the wall. Phoebe's eyes flashed and Mevolent stepped back gripping his head in pain.

"If you didn't get the hidden message, Mev, it was; leave me the fuck alone."

Her eyes flashed again and Mevolent's pain washed away.

Phoebe sighed again, when she was in her room. She opened the door ready to punch whoever just knocked but stopped.

"A- Anton?"

Shudder looked down at her with predatory glare.

"Where is she?"

"You remember where this place is?"

Anton's eyes softened for a moment before he went straight back behind his wall. "Of course I do. Only an idiot would forget."

"Anton, don't act like you don't care."

"I'm not acting, Phoebe. I came for Valkyrie and I'm not leaving without her."

"Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint you, Anton, but I'm smart so Valkyrie isn't here. I've changed the location of my gaol."

"You mean the place where you agonize your victims?"

"Well, if you put it like that..."

Anton looked at her like he was just starting to see who she really was. Phoebe tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and Anton lost it.

He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her, "oh Phoebe."

Phoebe almost started crying but she kept her tears at bay. She had to remain strong. She wouldn't fall for Anton's deadly charms again. That was the plan until Anton gently kissed her neck and before his arms tightened around her waist.

Oh, fuck a duck.


	14. Mocking Horse

"Anton..."

Anton's hand moved to the side of her face and he pulled back to look deep in her eyes.

"No." She pulled his hand from her face and unwrapped his arm. She turned around and walked over to her dresser, which was a dark mahogany and looked into the mirror above it. She looked at the photo frames of her and Mevolent. She turned back to Anton.

"Leave."

Anton looked at her, "you changed." He stated. "Usually that would have you at my beck and call..."

He sighed and turned. After a few minutes she ran over to her door and slammed it shut. She breathed heavily and walked back over to her dresser. She knelt and opened the bottom drawer.

She dug back behind her clothes and pulled out a black metal chest. A skull was printed on the top and she reached through the left eye socket. The chest shifted and reformed itself. Phoebe lifted the snow globe and cracked it against the floor. The liquids spilled out and she waved her hand.

_"Evanescunt Viburnum."_ She whispered and the snow globe burst into bright green flames before it melted back into it's original black metal chest, she touched her lips to the skull's teeth and buried it back in her drawer.

She stood, brushed off her knees and left the room.

XXX

"It did not go as I had planned."

"No, it didn't."

"I truly am sorry."

"You should be. Valkyrie's life is now in danger, and if what you say is true then she will be in danger for the rest of her life. You should be ashamed of yourself. You failed us."

"I know."

"Then what are you still doing here?"

XXX

Phoebe rode her horse until she could no longer tell where she was. Her Black Forest horse was a beautiful black with a long mane and tail the colour of a striking blonde with brown. Lilith Phoebe named her. Lilith meaning 'of the night.'

Phoebe had fallen in love with her as a foal when they found her stranding, weak and dying. Phoebe let go and fell forward and Lilith slowed down to a walk. Eventually she stopped and started gnawing at the grass.

Phoebe dismounted and fell straight down onto the grass. Lilith turned around and nudged her head. Phoebe pushed her away, and huffed. "I'm not in the mood."

Lilith raised her head and turned around. She nudged Phoebe with enough force that she fell over. Lilith started to eat her hair and Phoebe pushed her away again. "Go away." She turned over and she heard a thump. Phoebe turned her head, and saw Lilith lying down next to her.

"Are you mocking me?"

Lilith huffed and turned over, her back facing Phoebe. She stood and kicked Lilith lightly in the back. The horse jumped up and surged forward, its head forced its way between Phoebe's legs and it lifted up, making her slide down her neck and slump on her back.

Phoebe sighed and laid down, her head falling down her back. Lilith slowed down to a walk and Phoebe counted the stars.

"One day," she said. "One day we'll get out of here Lilith. Just you and me." The horse whinnied and Phoebe sat up as Lilith took off at a gallop, out of the clearing and into the woods.

XXX

"She is no where to be found. Neither of them."

"Well, then find them."

"We have the best hunters tracing some sort of horse in the far woods and guards searching her house. They are still yet to be found."

"Find them."

"Yes, sir."

XXX

Valkyrie leaned her head against the wall and sighed, again. Skulduggery was taking his sweet ass time with this rescue mission.

She closed her eyes and sent her mind to her happy place, yet her hands curled into fists and she smiled when she shot Skulduggery in her mind.

The door opened and so did her eyes.

"Get up."

"Hello to you to, Mevolent."

She squinted her eyes and smiled at him. Was she insane? Yup, probably. She smiled again, "Insanity," she said to him, "it's either a blessing or a curse. For you its a bit of both. But then you're beyond insane. You're like borderline stupid."

"And why am I borderline stupid?"

"Because Skulduggery will come after you."

"Ah, little one, that is what I want. Now get up."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and stood. "If you're going to kill me then kill me."

"Phoebe, doesn't want you dead. I will play out her wishes. But you must be moved."

"Why?"

"People are coming after you. Phoebe called not twenty minutes ago, saying that hunters were following her, she's leading the east and will meet us at the safe house."

Valkyrie nodded and walked over to him and he caught her chin in a right hook. He grunted and picked her up.

"Can't have you figuring out where the safe house is."


	15. Past Lives

_**"What is it about you!? How are you so perfect?"**_

"Huh?" Valkyrie opened her sleep ridden eyes and looked at an infuriated Phoebe. It was sight to behold. Her eyes were constantly flashing red, her bright hair falling around her pale face like flames. She was pacing the ground and Mevolent was leaning against the wall behind her.

She was wearing jeans with a belt that held guns and a sword on either side. She had knives strapped to both upper arms and Valkyrie could faintly see the outline of one tucked into the waistband of her jeans beneath her black top. Valkyrie had no doubt there was a few in her black spiked combat boots she wore.

A muscle feathered in her jaw when she ground her teeth together at Valkyrie's blindness.

Phoebe was suddenly in her face, picking her up by the throat and slamming her against the wall repeatedly.

"I should kill you," she snarled softly. "No. I don't think I'll do that." Valkyrie watched in horror as a manic smile spread across Phoebe's features. Her eyes were slowly going back to black now that the anger was leaving her as the excitement seeped its way in.

"I'm going to destroy you." Phoebe dropped her and started to pace again.

"I'm going to ruin you. I'm going to scar you." Phoebe caught the relief flooding Valkyrie's face as she realized that scars could be healed.

"I'm going to scar you mentally. I'm going to ruin your soul so that you don't have the energy to live. Guilt practically roles off you in waves, and I'm going to use that to my advantage." Phoebe's face twisted into a scowl as she spat at Valkyrie with disgust.

"Because clearly you alive and well will never get me anywhere." Phoebe roared, anger clouding her face again, grabbed one of the knives and flung it.

Valkyrie screeched as her hand was pinned to the wall. "This will teach them to never underestimate me." Phoebe continued, unaffected by Valkyrie's sobbing.

She walked over to her and cupped her chin, Phoebe tucked Valkyrie's dark hair behind ear and caught her gaze.

"Such a beautiful girl." Phoebe's smile was feral and Valkyrie shivered in what the hidden meaning behind it meant.

Phoebe stood and faced Mevolent. "Mev, dear, would you be a darling and get me some more knives?"

Mevolent nodded and left the room.

When she turned around Valkyrie looked up just in time to see Phoebe's fangs slid down and click into place.

"They love everything about you, and now I'm going to make them hate you. I'm going to make them fear you. I'm going to turn you into Darquesse. I'm going to make you embrace the power she gave you. I'm going to wreck you."

Phoebe stopped pacing and looked Valkyrie over. "She spent years searching for you, you know. When she found out that you're father made a woman pregnant she did everything in her power to keep you safe."

"Why?"

"Because she was going to give you some of her power. She was a god and you were the last of a powerful line. She wanted to mix the magic together and see what the result would be."

"So... S...She wasn't?"

"No. She had a body of her own. When people found out what she was able to do, they feared her. They hunted her down until they found her. I promised to protect her with my life and I did. An old friend of mine who had turned without my knowledge, turned me. But I'm not like every other vampire you see. I can tell between friend and foe."

"How did you?" Valkyrie choked, barely able to spit out a few words.

Phoebe looked at her sharply. "She was my sister. Once I found out that they extracted her soul from the body I killed everyone there, stole the soul catcher and took her to you the night you were born. She has been inside of you ever since."

Phoebe turned around and squared her shoulders as Mevolent walked back in. He threw the knives on the table and walked smoothly over to Phoebe.

The silent communication between the two made Valkyrie look down, feel uncomfortable at witnessing a look so intimate.

"Leave her for a while, love. Come with me." Mevolent said softly.

Phoebe nodded once and followed him out without saying a word. Valkyrie rested her head against the wall and gained enough strength to pull the knife out. She took a sharp intake of breath, dropped the knife and fell unconscious.

XXX

"What do you think she could be doing?"

Skulduggery sighed and sat back, "I have no idea, Vex. We can only hope that Valkyrie's doing alright. Now I'm really wishing we never taught Phoebe so bloody much."

"Yeah." Dexter laughed quietly. "Every good thing we try to do always comes back to bight us in the ass." He leaned his head against the wall and prayed to whatever god existed that they taught Valkyrie _more _and that she was fighting them.

"We just have to protect Kate."

"Will we tell Valkyrie what she did?"

"We should. I hate keeping things from her. _FUCK!" _Skulduggery stood and started pacing again.

He punched the wall and tipped his head back. "What did I do?! Please, bring her back!"

Dexter stood and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "C'mon, Skul."

Skulduggery turned around, tears in his eyes. "Phoebe could be killing her. Valkyrie...c...could be dead..." Skulduggery fell to his knees and Dexter saw his shoulder shake and earth shattering sobs ripped through him.

"C'mere man." Dexter opened his arms and Skulduggery threw himself into them, crying into his shoulder. Dexter had never seen Skulduggery so upset since the death of his wife and child and understanding raked through him.

Skulduggery loved Valkyrie more than _anything _in this world and if Valkyrie dies, so does he.


	16. Family Animals

Valkyrie stood in the middle of the room it wasn't very big but then it wasn't small either. There was a king single bed with simple black sheets, and desk made of fainted gold across from it.

Next to the bed was a bookshelf with books toppling from the shelves. The window above the bed had dark brown curtains hanging from it and when Valkyrie looked out of it, she was met with another room. Next to the desk was a mahogany chest of drawers. Picture littered the wall above it, most of them creepy pastas, and on the other wall next to the bed there were paintings and frames hanging from it.

Phoebe stood in the middle fiddling with the bed sheets.

She straightened. "This will be your bedroom. If anything breaks, if anything is moved if anything that is not yours is touched, you will pay for it. This room is for you to get dressed and to sleep in; that is it. Follow me."

Phoebe walked out the door and down a long hallway. It opened out into a kitchen but Phoebe kept walking. Next to the dining table was a door heading out towards a back padio. Phoebe stepped out the door and kept walking straight until they came to another door. Valkyrie almost cried out when Mevolent appeared beside her.

She saw him smirk slightly at her discomfort and she fought the urge to hit him right in the middle of his smug face. But then she realized that with him being so tall he could probably crush her by stepping on her.

Phoebe whirled around when they were standing in the middle of the massive yard.

"You will talk care of my garden. You will make sure the trees are watered and the grass is healthy." She pointed the a far corner of the yard, where the trees were a faded brown and the usual short lush green grass was long and yellow. Valkyrie could just spot out a rickety, frail fence. "But you will **_not_** go over there."

Valkyrie breathed a sigh of relief, she didn't _want_ to go over there. Phoebe kicked a pink bowl and it's contents spilled out. "You will take care of my animals and make sure they are bathed and clean. You will feed them, brush their teeth and sharpen their nails."

Valkyrie frowned at this, confused as to what type of pets Phoebe had when Mevolent gave a violent whistle and two, massive black Dire Wolves detached themselves from the shadows of the yard.

Valkyrie was taken aback, though, when three dingoes came out of the old sagging shed.

Phoebe pointed to the wolf that had silver streaks shot through it's other wise black fur.

"This is Bardou, he's old and be careful around him. If in the right mood he will bite off your pretty little head."

As if to prove her point Bardou growled quietly and showed off his pointed k nine's which were white as ever and he pawed at the ground. The other wolf stopped next to Bardou and nudged him in the back leg then ran the rest of the way to Phoebe. It licked at her legs and sat down next to her patiently.

Phoebe gently patted it on the head, "this is Filtiarn. She keeps them all in line. And then there is Tala. She is shy and you will probably only ever see her sea green eyes. Be careful if you do see her, though. She's our hunter and she is a good one at that."

The three dingoes rolled around in the grass, yelping and Mevolent laughed. He introduced them starting with the biggest.

"This is Blue." He said, and Valkyrie frowned. The dingo was a rick golden colour. "It's an Australian name," Mevolent laughed. "He is the pack leader." He pointed to the next one. "This is Patch, and she is very agro."

Valkyrie frowned at the word agro, but let it slip by. The name Patch suited. She was patchy, colours of brown, yellow and red spotted all over her coat. Her eyes were what through Valkyrie off the most. One was a deep ocean blue while the other was a light brown. Valkyrie noticed that she seemed to stay near the smallest one all the time.

"And together they had this little fella." Mevolent knelt down and ruffled around with it. The puppy's tail was wagging like mad but before it could get to violent Patch barked at Mevolent and he lent back on his heels.

He had a feral grin on his face and looked up at Valkyrie. "His name is Joey."

Before Mevolent could say more Phoebe turned to Valkyrie. "You will clean the kitchen, the house and make sure that there is no mess. You will not be allowed to enter any room without permission and you will live out in the back yard. If anyone other then the people residing in my house tries to speak with you, ignore them. Anyone could be working for Skulduggery and the Dead Men. And if any of my men die, you will pay the price."

Phoebe looked down at Bardou. "You will have a guard by you at all times, but I chose to be generous and give you a personal guard."

Valkyrie gasped when Fletcher Renn stepped out of the trees. Patch went mad at seeing him. Biting at his ankles and barking excitedly. But Fletcher ignored the dog, his eyes fixed on Valkyrie. She watched Phoebe walk over to him and grab him by the back of the neck and she whispered a few words into his ear. She looked him in the eye and Valkyrie saw him nod slightly.

Phoebe smacked the side of his face before she turned back to Valkyrie.

"Hurt my brother and you won't have a heart." She snarled before walking back into the house.


End file.
